The children in the Toddlers Room, Balmandir

The new cushion covers and mattress covers sre shown against the old blue ones in the photos on the left hand side.

The toddlers room is a large room, with ample space for the children to run and cycle around. The room has wall murals with Disney World cartoon characters which were done by various volunteers in the past.

A couple of photo showed them sitting round the table for elevenses- milk and fruit. Lunch is served sitting on the floor for the younger ones

Mendira is pretty good with the play dough. The children were fascinated by the fruit she was able to make - bananas, chillies apples etc

Aren't they beautiful kids ? And they are the lucky ones to be able to come to this room. Many more got left outside........

Uma's Orphanage and the expenditure incurred

The photos displayed above showed some of the things bought with the donations from

The Friends of Nepal
Things purchased:-

Bunkbed (being built ) 10,000

Website-annual Fee 7000

Dining Table (being built ) 3500

Tracksuit x8 8000

Kitchen Eqpt 12850

(toaster, blender , sandwich toaster)

Water & Tiffin carrier 4000

Globe for Geography 550

Battery for Invertor 16,750

Grocery for 3 months 16,000

Outings x2 12000

Plumber 4000

Total 94,650 NR

Exchange rate @122 = £775.80

The remainder of the £800 ie £25 went on numerous taxis rides and withdrawal fees at my bank. I have receipts for the big items. The fee for the website, as well as the cost for building the bunk beds and dinning table were given to Uma to pay whoever.Unfortunately I have no receipts for them.

The reason for an additional bunkbed is that the latest government ruling states that every orphanage is required to have a minimum of 10 children from next February, in order to stay registered. Uma has already increased her number from 6 to 8 children this April. I have found personally that 8 is becoming quite a big group this time round. Uma does not have a choice. Hence the additional bunkbed and dinning table.

When I first arrived, the taps and toilet in the downstairs bathroom were not working. They had no water pressure to do anything- flushing toilet or washing or showering.I had to go upstairs to do all that. The washer in the tap has gone, so they were using stop cock to turn water on and off under the sink ! Frustrating to say the least. I asked Uma to get a plumber in to sort out it out, hence the plumber 's cost

The kitchen equipments were needed for catering for volunteers who stay there, a source of Uma's irregular income. We bought the invertor with battery last year because of the daily power cut. A spare battery was purchased in case the first one gives up for ghost

The grocery purchased includes 210 kilos of rice, 30kilos of lentils, mixed beans each ,10 litres of cooking oil,10 kilos of flour (for chapati ), sugar, soap etc. It should last 3 months. It never fails to amaze me how much rice the children consume at each meal time. Uma says that they use approximately 2 kilos a day. That is almost 4.5 lbs of uncooked rice ! Its mind boggling if you watch them eating during their meal times. Maybe its emotional hunger ? But they are growing up well. So......

Last but not least, the Primark t-shirt from UK and the tracksuite which was paid from the donation. It was amazing how they match up , by coincidence.

So thank you one and all from Uma , the children and me

My Last Day

I went in this morning and found the orphanage closed to the general public. I overlooked the fact that it is the beginning of the festival season. It lasts for 4 days till the following Tuesday. I took in the 3 newly altered mattress covers for the day room. Davee was not in .It was a real pain to have to cart them back to Uma's on public transport! I will have to go back next week with John. John is bringing 2 large bean bags for the 3 teenage girls who are suffering from cerebral palsy in the sleeping room upstairs.

There is a team of Spanish volunteers here , working with the orphans who suffer from laerning disability. These kids are cared for lying flat on their backs from god knows when.The Spanish workers are trying to get a wheel chair as well as bean bags to enable staff to sit them up to have a change of scenery sometimes. Uma is trying to get a wheelchair through her brother who is a member of the Rotary club here. I happened to have a conversation with Pablo, one of the spanish volunteers. We decided that it will be easier to source them in UK. It is fortuitous that John is coming to Kathmandu next week He has got them ready for the journey. We are keeping our fingers crossed that Qatar Airline will be obliging enough to allow John to check in 2 large and unwieldy luggages in addition to one of his own.

I was given the impression, through sign language and broken English that the day room will be open today- Friday, before they break for the festival. I did think that it may not be open.But then I thought the orphanage is a residential place.They will probably do something special today before the staff leaves for the week end . As one can appreciate, I will be the first one to want to stay away if I have a choice. Then I thought I will be letting people down if they are expecting me to turn up.

Against my better judgement I went in, lugging this heavy bag of mattress and cushion covers.The front door was locked. I had to go in via the back door which is full of traps in my opinion. Its strewn with bits of discarded tyres, toys, clothes and heaven knows what else amongst the tall and overgrown grass. The day room was closed. Davee was not there. I popped my head into the sleeping room upstairs. I found the children all lined up sitting on the floor, waiting for lunch to be served. They looked so calm and angelic for a change that I thought I better escape while the going is good. So I scarpered like a scalded cat......

I have to negotiate quite a tricky patch of garden /back yard with squelchy and muddy grounds on my way out.There were many toddlers running around amongst the numerous nanny goats there .One of the 3 year old from the day room called out to me 'didi, didi'. He was running around, pulling at the goat nearest to him, totally in his element of being allowed outside. He seemed very happy. I stopped to sat hello. I rubbed his tousled hair, while looking to see if there are any adults around keeping an eye on him as well as some of these young ones. There was only one young man around. He was concentrating his effort on trying to load or rather haul all the nanny goats onto a ?three wheeler van like the one 'Del boy' drives. It was quite a comical sight. In fact it was the most light hearted moment I experienced since I started at Balmandir. And sun was shinning for a change......May be some one up there thought I deserved a break on my last day. It was hilarious. Imagine 'Del Boy ' hauling nanny goats into his 3 wheeler in an orphanage in Nepal !!! Hahaha And so I went out of the orphanage laughing to myself, totally forgetting about looking for a responsible adult to keep an eye on the youngsters.

That was my last formal day at Balmandir.

My feelings ? Well,I have learnt a lot more than I did last year. It truly opened my eyes to the sufferings of these unfortunate youngsters. And I feel so helpless at the same time.Through the generosity of all you sponsors, we were able to make a tiny difference for some of the children for a few months at best , no more than that

Whats the answer ? Well, there is no answer.I accept my limitations along with my frustration at how unfair the world is . It is all to do with accident of births.............

The Orphanage

Due to the festival period, the day room where I have been working has been closed for over a week now .Reason being the 2 main workers are on leave. That means that the toddlers and the 3 and 4 year old have been stuck in their respective sleeping rooms upstairs without any toys or open spaces to run around during this period.

I went in last week to find that it is the common practice whenever the festival period is around. All the 'normal' toddlers are wondering around the room aimlessly, with no toys and people to interact with. They are all meandering in between the cots.It was terrible to see. The minute they see someone entering the room, who remotely resembling an interaction, they all came crowding round. Each time I went in , I would have numerous little arms out stretched to be picked up. With my bad shoulder, I can only pick one up at a time. The rest just fighting to get into the crooks of my legs. It was not an agreeable state of play in my book. However I chided myself that I am here, so I just have to get on with it. So I persevered till the end of last week.

Over the weekend, I mulled over repeatedly my feelings about working in the sleeping room upstairs for this coming week.The thought filled me with dread.I decided to play truant for 2 days. Its the first time ever , in my life that I failed to do something that's expected of me!.I did feel guilty, but came to the conclusion that if the orphanage don't care whether I go in or not, then why should I care ? I am totally demotivated, an alien experience for me.So I convinced Uma that we will take the children out for lunch yesterday.

We had a great time, stuffing ourselves with momos and pizzas. Its the second outing they have had. It transpired that two of the children have never been on an escalator before. So while we were out, we went to a shopping mall and took the 2 children up and down the escalator.It reminded me of the time when escalators were first introduced in Malaysia , about 20-30 years ago. My mother and aunt (her sister ) were really nervous about getting on this moving contraption.They would always prefer to walk up the stairs than trying to time their steps with this mechanical moving thing. We used to laugh our heads off at the two of them trying to negotiate the escalators they encountered. After the escalator experience, Uma took them all in a lift for them to feel the sensation of going up in a lift , albeit only to the fifth floor. We had a great day

Reluctantly I decided that I cannot skive the whole week, so I went in this morning . Though I knew that they would be desperate for play and interaction, it still hit me when went in. All the little arms are stretching out to be picked up. One of the Spanish volunteers was talking to me about getting a wheelchair for the 3 teenage girls with ?cerebral palsy ?learning disability. I was moaning about the lack of toys to keep the children occupied. He then gave me a dozen balloons for the children. As I was walking back to the room, I started to blow up some of the balloons on the way .Suddenly I had a crowd of older children 8-10 years old gathering around me , each crying for a balloon from me. I looked helplessly at Pablo, the Spanish volunteer to ascertain what I should do. He spoke to them in Nepali. I am not sure what he said to them. They were still whining and begging when I escaped into the room.

The balloon was a good therapy. It kept them occupied for a good hour. By then most of the balloons had been squeezed and burst. I then decided that I will swing each of these tots on my left /right leg for amusement. And that everyone will take his/her turn, forgetting that 18 month old do not understand about taking turns. Though I was generally keeping most of them happy, so I thought. Suddenly I felt a severe pain in my left ankle. One of the little blighters had bitten me out of sheer frustration of having to wait his turn. I am not proud to admit this. I reacted instinctively and pinched him to show him that it hurt.He glared at me and shook his head.There was a round teeth mark, but at least it didn't break the skin. So that was that.

All the while , the 2 workers in the room just sat and did nothing. They looked so dejected and uninterested in everything around them. ?A victim of the system ?

What shall I do tomorrow ? Do I go in and face the same ?

The Orphans in Kathmandu mark 2

Pangum's mother turned up yesterday with her father and sister. I understand from Uma that she tore into mum , telling her off. I was out sight seeing with Emily yesterday -another story
Uma wanted to know how Pangum's mother sees as her responsibility as a mother. Uma was asking angrily why she had not tried to make contact and come to see Pangum for the past 3 years? Why give birth to a child when she has no interest of caring or loving the child ? Apparently, the poor woman just broke down following the barrage of angry words from Uma. She did not answer but just remained quiet with tears rolling down her face

Pangum does not remember her mother.Therefore she was reluctant , like she was with her father ,to go near her. After sometime, her mother bribed her with a bag of goodies to share with other children. She then went forward, and her mother grabbed her and they fell into each other's arms and broke the ice. Uma tried to have a more rational conversation with the parents after that. There are 2 more younger ones at home, a boy and a girl.They are considering putting at least one of them in another orphanage. They are unable to provide for the children. Uma feels quite frustrated by this. She repeated what she said earlier -' why give birth to a child if you are not going to care and love the child? ' I think these words just fell on deaf ears...May be there are things we don't understand........

They then asked if they could take Pangum out for the day. Again Uma refused their request. Pangum is now quite clear where she stands . Uma is the Kathmanu mommie, and mommie is the one from Lantang..She is quite emphatic that she wants to stay with the Kathmandu mommie. There was no tears when they left, just a big sigh . Uma did ask the parents how should they contribute towards Pangum's up keep ? They obviously unable to pay, but would send bananas and potatoes to her from their vegetable patch as and when

Hot on the heels came another phone call. This time is one from Rajeish's mum who came this morning. The last time Rajeish saw his mum was a year ago when he severed his second toe. I was here when it happened.He has 2 older sisters living at home with his mum. The eldest who is 16 years old , accompanied his mother to see him today.Lots of long and awkward silences in the room. The mum seems a nice woman . Rajeish interacted with his sister, but appeared to keep a distance away from his mum. He feels the rejection acutely. I think he is angry with her

Uma wanted to establish whether the mother is in a position to have Rajeish back . She said she lives in a rented room with her 2 teenage daughters and husband. It is a room where they cook , live and sleep in.She is not able to take care of Rejeish because she is the only wage earner in the family. Then she got a little upset. The visit was quite short. It may have lasted for half an hour. Then its till the next year for Rajeish !

Uma and I talked about this. Uma feels that these children are not true orphans. Now that she has given them a good few years' start, they should be in a position to go back home to continue their schooling. She will ensure sponsorship for their education till they finish high school.She feels strongly that she should give the opportunities to the truly genuine orphans who are without any parents..As things stand , she can take 3 additional youngsters only. I remind her that these children has had stability, care and love after their first few traumatic years. Returning them to their families who are unable to care in the way they are used to will cause more upset .It will undo all the good work she has done with them up till now.Is it not better that she focus her energy in developing the 10 youngsters into useful citizens, rather than taking a chance on them becoming a labourer looking for a job on a day to day basis (if the family is unable to provide the stability and care needed ) should they decide to leave school early?

Uma is mulling over what I said.She is a woman with integrity and good values. I feel sure she will come to a very sensible and wise decision. It appears that the scenarios seems to play out each year when the festival arrives in September. The urge to want to see one's child becomes unbearable, even though they have not visited for a whole year. This is what frustrate Uma the most. She does feel used. And I don't blame her one jot. I suppose is what we call human nature, in the context of extreme Nepali poverty and deprivation. And I blame the government !

The Orphans in Kathmandu

I came home from the orphanage yesterday to find Pangum's father,( one of the children living with Uma) talking to Uma sitting on the stone steps outside of the house. An 'uncle' who speak fairly good English was trying to explain to Uma and I the reason they turn up without any prior notice.

Up until the beginning of 2008, Uma was working in an orphanage where there were 20 plus children. The proprietor ran the orphanage as a business. ie any donations are absorbed as income for the proprietor and his wife, leaving the minimum possible to feed and clothe the children. Uma was not impressed with the care given there. She then decided that she can do better . So she left that orphanage. She then asked for some of the children she has been looking after to join her at her newly set up orphanage. Pangum was one of the 6 children given. At the time there was no accompanying history for Pangum . Uma only knows that she has an older sister in the same orphanage.She has tried to get the sister to join her, but the proprietor refused because she already has a sponsor which mean income for the proprietor. He would lose the income if he were to give her to Uma. Uma offered to pay for her release.The proprietor then asked for a very large sum of money which Uma could not afford. It was basically blackmail. Uma decided that she has to drop the idea.It was upsetting at the time because Uma has been planning for her arrival together with another sister of one other child she has. We talked about it. It was not meant to be...

Since then, Uma has been badgering the authority and the orphanage trying to establish whether Panhum is truly an orphan. There is no birth details. Often the actual age of the orphan is based on guess work. We think Pangum is 7 years old.We have no birth date. No one has ever visited her at the orphanage, certainly not at Uma's since almost 2 years on. Then out of the blue, her father turned up with her sister and an uncle who did all the talking.Uma was most put out

It would seem that Pangum's family comes from high up the mountain in a very remote village. Boy,I can vouch that its remote alright. I stayed at one of those villages (if you can call it a village with only 4 houses) when I went trekking last year. There is no work available.One can only find trees and vegetation there. A school is 3/4 hours of working away. Many of the mountain villagers gave up their children to orphanage because they know they will have a better future with opportunities for education, better nutrition and living.So they come to Kathmandu and leave their children sometimes in an orphanage, other times just by a train or bus station.Alternatively through an 'uncle'. Pangum was around 3 plus when she first went to the orphanage. She does not remember her father. She refused to come out of her room even to say hello. She tentatively circled round her older sister. I saw her sister briefly last year one evening when Uma took me and the kids back to pay the old orphanage a visit. That visit reminded me of a Romanian orphange at the time. Pangum's sister was there with crew cut hair in an old dirty vest sitting in the dark with other kids during one of the power cuts , at 7pm. The contrasts couldn't be greater then

Pangum's sister has grown her hair long, She looks small compare to Pangum who is 3/4 years younger.Otherwise well.She was playing with the older children in their study room. When I came back out later, she was having her hair combed through with nits falling on the floor.It would appear that there is no stigma attached to having nits, just an inconvenience.I could not believe the amount that were coming off her hair. The floor was covered. I feel itchy just thinking about it now

It transpires that there is a mother also. She is coming to visit tomorrow! Pangum 's father asked to take Pagum out with her sister to a nearby Monkey temple to give thanks to god etc. Uma would not hear of it .She said to him that if he takes her out, he did not bother to bring Pangum back, ever. In any case, Pangum would not go with her father who is like a total stranger to her

In the absence of news in the past 2 years, Uma has grown particularly close to Pangum. She has admitted to me on many an occasion that Pangum is her favourite. Though she does not show it openly, I guess children are pretty cute . They pick this up themselves, saying that Pangum can get away with murder with mommie.

This turn of event has upset Uma greatly. She was having a real go at the father yesterday, asking why he has not bothered to visit Pangum at all in the last few years. To then just turn up and expect things to be normal is just too much for the kid...especially at the festival time! I did think its a bit harsh to refuse his reguest and issue an ultimatum.I guess I do not have the emotional investment which Uma has made over the years. She must feel used

It would seem that what Uma experienced is not uncommon. Apparently there are many so called' uncles' who take money from the parents promising them that they will find a good orphanage for their children . Parents being isolated up in the mountains and generally uninformed, are in a desperate state to give their children better lives. Frequently the mother is working in town away from the family.Father is then ended up with the child care . He often cannot cope. So they pay money to these manipulative 'uncles' who make a good living out of the miseries of these impoverished and desperate parents.

Uma has just found out that one of her recently acquired orphans has both parents livng and kicking. Her mum is actually working in Kathmandu. Uma is planning to return her to her family when the current school year finishes.

In her view, her orphannage is there for orphans or children suffering from genuine hardship. Anyone who came with less genuine reasons will be returned to their family.I agree with her totally . She now faces a real Dilenma.......

The Donation

Uma managed to have her way.We were in the Chair's office (again )yesterday. The numerous bags (10 in total ) were formally presented to the Chair and the director at Balmandir (The Nepal Children Organisation), or rather the Orphanage. They were very appreciative of the generosity of 'The Friends of Nepal' from England and Malaysia. They would like me to convey their thanks and appreciation to you all sponsors. And also a big ' thank you' from me as well which make the effort possible

At one stage, the director asked if we would like to give out the clothes to the children ourselves. Uma ad I both felt that it is not a good idea. That the orphanage should do it in their own way and time. It would appear that a donor very generously purchased 80 jackets for the children without realising the exact number in the previous year. It ended with some youngster going without. That caused some upset in the orphanage. The chair commented that this time there will be 2 pairs of pants and bras for every teenage girl there. It is a much better situation. Thats only because we asked for a list from the director.Initially when we both looked at the list, we did not think we would able to buy everything on the list with the amount required. Miraculously with the 20% discount and good house keeping, we achieved it . We were both tired but elated at what we manage to buy at the end. Best of all its the festival time starting from tomorrow. An ideal time (like xmas ) to give out new clothes to all the kids

It was very pleasing to be back in the toddlers' room today. Mendira is still away. However with me being a regular and reliable volunteer, the powers to be must have decided that the worker and I will be safe to operate the day room. In the event, a second volunteer turned up to make it 3 .Its so much better to see them having the space to run around and play with the toys than just wondering aimlessly weaving through the cots upstairs.

I have always been careful to wear a ta bard when I started here in the first week .However it is very warm with 2 layers on. And I stood out with that garb on . So I decided that I will go without in the second week. So I blend in just like every body else. I do not usually have toddlers sitting on my knees with no nappy on. Today was very hectic. Somehow I lowered my standard , just momentarily. Well , what a big mistake !

It was toileting time. Therefore there were lots of bare bottoms running around. One of the tots was upset about something, running towards me, I naturally picked him up and sat him on my knees to comfort him. Then I thought I could smell something unpleasant. Its only when I put him down to put the nappy back on, that I realised the little blighter have not had his bottom cleaned after been for a poo ! I had to endure a good hour of the smell on my trousers before I called it a day @ 12.30. I normally finish @1.30 each day. It was funny and it was not. I was conscious that I might smell in the bus. Thank god all the windows were open .The warm breeze was so welcoming.....

A big event was happening this morning.Apparently there were some actresses and celebrities arriving to visit the children at the orphanage. They came into the toddlers' room soon after I arrived . They were accompanied by the Board members and the chair. It was good timing because there were 3 of us to the 12 children. That's not a bad staff ratio. There was an Italian woman in the group who is hoping to adopt 2 of the very adorable toddlers in the room. I thought the adoption by foreigners were banned and that the adoptive parents cannot choose a specific child, so I was told. I supposed like everywhere in the world, wealth can oil things very smoothly. No doubt a big donation is winging its way to the coffers of the orphanage. Reality beckons

So much for now. I must try not to be cynical. Its a very bad human trait